I thought losing my virginity was bad enough… Loosing my blogging virginity is seeming to be much more intimidating. I am going to fill this post with info about me (Yay! – apologies in advance), what motivates me, what I love, some rambling and most probably not actually addressing what I set out to in the first place. I am going to treat this blog as a stream of consciousness (which is scary because am I really weird? Or normal? or normal but its not normal to share you weirdest thoughts? lol i probably won’t share my absolute weirdest thoughts cos that would just be weird). I might review some make up products or new music if I fancy it. Who knows ey?! The blog is my oyster.
My three main interests in this world are music (I’m currently in the last year of my music degree), make up (I studied an intensive NVQ level 2 make up artistry qualification and currently work freelance) and mindfulness (because I have slowly come to realise it is all too hard to remain grounded rather than get caught up in the worry and anxiety of adult life).
I love music. What makes good music for me is emotional connection. It doesn’t matter HOW it happens, as long as I emotionally connect to a song then I love it; whether it’s in the charts, on the underground scene, Western inspired or music from an area of the world I have never even heard of, I don’t care. It’s an outlet of my emotions where I haven’t had to think of how to express myself; someone else has done that bit for me so I can release these emotions with minimal effort. I LOVE hearing new music and am always open to suggestions. It is rare to make a true diamond discovery, but when you find that song wow its on repeat all day errday. I write my own stuff at times and am constantly trying to do more of this and be braver by sharing my stuff. But ultimately, I find it stressful trying to voice my own emotions, and if a song doesn’t revolve around emotional content then it’s not worth it for me. And here in lies my problem haha. People often say writing is a good release of emotions and provides an outlet for bottled up emotions; for me, after a writing session I often end up more stressed than when I began because I just can’t seem to get it right. Maybe the beauty of writing is that there isn’t a right or wrong. Whatever. I find it well hard.
Hallelujah. I know we should all feel beautiful in our own skin and it isn’t okay to be solely judged on our looks, however if we enjoy putting on make up and the way it makes us feel then I see nothing wrong with that. I just adore experimenting with different products and application techniques and am always amazed at how much it can transform my face. I love those videos online of people who contour their face to make them look like loads of different celebrities lol how sick is that you can literally change your face. But yeah, make up is sick and I love a badass smokey eye and bold lips. When bold lips talk and you listen. Make Up is also a form of expression. If I’m feeling pissed off I am likely to apply a badass face of dark smokey eyes and fuck off lips which make me feel like Taylor Momsen and that I’m really cool and no one can touch me. Then again, if I’m feeling chilled I’ll apply mascara with a nude lip and just feel that soft vibe. Make Up is fun and it’s like our human version of our superhero alter ego costume. Peter Parker ain’t got shit on my red lip.
I suffer with depression. It’s shit. It’s blank, it’s lonely, it’s empty, it’s angry. I forget that the whole world isn’t suffocated in depression. The world isn’t black but to me, usually it’s just covered in smog. Good opportunities are reminders of how far from the level of success I desire. Moments of happiness are a reminder of what I’m missing on a day to day basis. Achievements just mean I’ve probably got a failure lined up pretty soon. It is vitally important to appreciate just existing whether it be the sun on your skin, the ability to hear music or diving head first into the vast sea and realising how amazing the nature of the world really is. I love philosophical thinking sessions where I ponder on all things non-tangible,however I usually end up thinking about things that make me sad and find myself in an awful mood lol winning. I love a good quote (but HATE some of them lol so yeah that’s a weird one – I do not appreciate Facebook telling me how to be happy in some bullshit meme, but I love a good quote if it makes you THINK, if it draws you to a realisation that maybe you were struggling to come to today, maybe you just needed a little boost of positivity or a riddle to work out – I guess a quote qualifies as good to me not based on any hard and fast rule, just depends how I read it, the mood I’m in when I read it and whether I roll my eyes and want to punch some little shit for coming up with such an ignorant thing to write on a background and circulate round the web – wow that was a lot of writing on quotes). Ultimately, it is important to share with others to help people in their darkest moment remember they are not alone, and are not going crazy as others also experience the same thoughts and emotions as them, and to continue spreading awareness of mental health issue and the importance of taking it SERIOUSLY (I’m not just fucking sad and can ‘cheer up’ with a good cup of tea and a biscuit. thanks. k bye.)
So there we are… my first ever blog post. My cherry is popped. Ouch.