I’VE JUST HANDED IN ALL MY UNI ASSIGNMENTS YEEEESSSSSSSSS

Welcome back you beautiful souls. I have received some really amazing support since my last post so I just wanted to thank y’all for that and let you know how important it is to me! There is nothing better than finding out people don’t think you’re talking total shit ❤

So, stress. I can’t handle it. I am the worst person at being stressed. It makes me into a dragon lady and I also get jelly brain. I hate everyone and everything and think the world is out to get me. I have comprised a list with my top tips on how to handle stress to try and share the chill vibes but also try and convince myself that I should actually do these things rather than just think about them.

1. Cry – crying is great. To anyone who calls you a cry baby/constant cryer etc slap that bitch upside their head cos you don’t need that sort of negativity in your life. There is nothing better than having a good old cry. Afterwards you get the bunged up nose and headache and it’s a real sense of achievement. Lol jks, it just makes you feel like a fucking dick but that’s beside the point. Everyone knows that once you’re sick you stop feeling sick. So let’s just transfer this little theory right on over to our favourite activity (crying) and recognise that once you’ve cried it all out you’ve released all that negative emotion. See ya later sucker.
2. Laugh (at yourself) – everyone says laughter relieves stress, go and have a coffee with a friend, watch your favourite comedy and all that crap which I’m sure is true but when I’m stressed I’m not in a very laugh-Y mood and OBVIOUSLY DONT HAVE TIME FOR THAT (otherwise I wouldn’t be stressed, nob). That is why it is important to laugh at yourself. For example, you are moaning to your boyfriend about how much you have to do and how worried you are about it. You’re talking/typing quicker and quicker and ahhhhh everything’s manic.  *cue laughter*. This is the point where you should laugh at yourself for being such an idiot as to expect to feel better talking about what you’ve got to do rather than doing it. This may sound harsh but it works along the same lines as the theory that it’s not the taking part that counts, it’s the winning.  We all know it’s true. Unless you’re a reception teacher trying not to crush kids’ dreams. Crush them I say! … Apologies. (I have already used the word theory twice… We can tell I’ve been writing academic essays)
3. have a bath before bed – not because baths are relaxing etc but because when you are literally submerged in water it is much more difficult to do little jobs here and there to distract you. To elaborate… Say I am typing an essay sitting on my bed and remember I need to write something in my diary. I quickly get up, grab my diary, write it in and by that point might as well have sold my focus on eBay. Alternatively we can imagine that I am trying to write said essay and think hmm I’m hungry (I’m obviously not, just eating cos I’m bored and convince myself that’s a great idea only to moan later that I’ve got more rolls than sainsburys bakery) so I pop downstairs, whip up a feast that would make Gordon Ramsey bow down and by the time I arrive back at my laptop I am totally perplexed by the idea of actually doing work. Herein my friends, the bath trick becomes useful. When submerged in water it is much more difficult to pop into a different room/collect somethings from the other side of the room, especially if that means I will be cold and naked with a very high risk of running into my flat mates (I know they love it – not the point.) So when I’m in the bath all I can do is develop the theories and arguments I am going to feature in my essay in my head and get myself right in the zone. I know this is slightly contradictory to my previous point about not having time to meet a friend for coffee / watch tv or whatever but it’s TOTALLY different and if you’re gonna be that pedantic then whatever i don’t even need you.
4. Eat whatever you mothertrucking want – yes eat clean think clean, eat healthy think healthy but similarly eat clean spend ages in the kitchen prepping stuff, eat healthy and be totally Unsatisfied. I KNOW healthy food can be super yummy, I don’t mean this to be an attack on healthy food. My point is, eat what you want cos you’ve got enough on your plate (you’re welcome 😉) to take on that extra layer of pressure to prepare stuff if it isn’t your forte, or go to the shops cos you don’t have the ‘right’ thing. Biscuits help me get through essays. You know those Maryland gooey ones. If my notes don’t have a suspect brown substance smeared across them then they are just totally inauthentic. Food is inspiration people, and yes you may feel worse cos you don’t like the way you look after, or the bad food isn’t exactly good brain food but then I guess it’s a matter of weighing up what’s important. For me, in mega stress everything healthy goes out the window… I then hate myself a few weeks later when my skin is rank and I get tired walking up the stairs but it is then that I deal with it.
5. Get enough sleep – bullshit. When you’re stressed the last thing you can do is RELAX enough to sleep. That’s the dream (again, you’re welcome). However, sleep is well important but don’t let it bog you down if you only get a few hours. I always find that it I’m aware I’ve not had much sleep eg I’ve been out all night and before I go to bed I recognise that I have to be up in three hours I am MUCH more tired than if I can’t sleep so stay up reading and doing bits in my room without realising the time, only get three hours but don’t really pay attention to that and just get up the next day. Similarly, if I think oh holy crap i only got 5 hours last night I am exhausted, that is a totally different experience to if I’ve been out and only got five hours and wake up and think wow I actually feel ok. Of course sleep deprivation has many negative effects, I’m not saying it doesn’t but I believe, at least for me, I can convince myself into a greater level of exhaustion if I dwell on my lack of sleep but also, hello… Coffee and red bull. It’s the 21st century people come on.
6. Cuddle a dog – dogs are so great. My dog is an actual psycho (oops maybe shouldn’t use this term with derogatory connotations in a blog such as mine but we can’t all get offended by everything – I’m a depressed wannabe, there I said it). Just watching her doing this freaky stare out of the corner of her eye and seeing her simple brain ticking away makes me so happy. She’s either really thick or the most intelligent dog ever. I’m not sure. I like to ponder it as a distraction to the thoughts whizzing round my head. Just imagine cute little doggy world where everyone is friends and they hump in the park and eat and sleep and that’s about it. Magical.
7. Just chill the fuck out – it won’t be like this forever mate. On a scale of 1-10 how important really is it? (10 being death). Will it matter this time next year? Is it really as bad as you’re making out? Are there more important things? Are you just too cool for this shit? (Probably)
8. Ignore everything I’ve just said – do what YOU want. Whatever makes you feel better and the situation easier to handle, then do it. I’m sure my tips totally counteract all scientific evidence ever, so maybe I get through easier by thinking I’m some sort of tough rebel who doesn’t need anyone’s advice. Ultimately, as long as you’re not a mega bitch you’ll be alright.