What the fuck

Can I ask you a question? … Is this really happening? Is Carrie Bradshaw resurrected in the form of thecocorose.2? I’m writing again… holy shit balls.

Why oh why, I hear you say? A few weeks ago I was reminded about this older part of myself. A lovely person told me they had read my blog (because obvo it’s in my insta bio) and that it had hit a note with them. And being a singer, I’m all about that! I suddenly remembered this part of myself, something I felt proud of and something I am totally humbled by when people firstly even bother to read it, and secondly say it has resonated with them. So lovely person, if you are reading this I must say thank you for you have re-sparked this part of myself which I, for no reason (that’s what I’m going to tell myself), lost sight of.

I won’t write much tonight as I don’t want to scare myself out of this (and it’ll probably be shit) so I’m trying to keep the pressure to the minimum – although saying that  when I used to sit down and write there was no pressure as shit just started spurting out of my finger tips and I struggled to make it stop and not get you guys (lol assuming anyone is reading this) caught up in a nonsensical hell hole. *Oh btw side note – the Ministry of Sound ‘throw back reggae dance hall’ advert has just came on and I really want that CD old skool because why not (even better on vinyl) so if anyone wants to gift me, thanks in advance.* ANYWAY, let me tell you a bit about going travelling and finding myself and then I’ll bugger off.

So.. I went travelling. I was away for three and a half months and visited Australia, New Zealand and Fiji and let me tell you something… it wasn’t what everyone said it would be. JOKES kind of. I honestly had the most incredible time. I met some true legends who became friends very quickly, had the MOST fun in the entire world, did things I never thought would be possible for me, saw things that made me not believe my own eyes (I’ve been to specsavers since I’ve been back) and had once in a life time experiences (there it is.. that word.. experience). I think the word experience is key because it is rounded, there are highs, there are lows and there are averages. But definitely perspective. For example, in New Zealand (my fave) I had very early starts to do crazy things like white water rafting at 6am or to throw myself out of a plane attached to a stranger. At the time these were the most fun and in hindsight these are incredible memories which I treasure. But at the time, setting my alarm for 5am for the third day in a row was annoying. I was terrified and convinced I was going to die. I missed my soul humans at home and sometimes struggled with social situations there, not feeling like I fit in. And suddenly, it wasn’t all perfect. In Australia I had so much fun. Just pure fucking fun. But I was hungover all the time and having to move hostels and deal with the alcohol emotions and spiders and the weather not being banging for my ‘once in a lifetime’ picture of Sydney Opera house and really it was a six week bender. The cynic in me says I could’ve done that at home, but it was sick to experience that with new people. It would’ve also been incredible to experience that with my friends that I love dearly. In Fiji, I was sometimes lonely because it was a very family/couple orientated place and I didn’t meet as many lone travellers. But I also made friendships and families with people within 2 days because ‘all’ there was to do in the day was see the most beautiful sights, enjoy nature and chat to find out about each other and play music together. However, when I was sat alone when all other couples and families were out together and it was just me and my head space sometimes that was a god send, sometimes I’d wander around until I bumped into someone or found something to do to share with others. That was a very average feeling.

I wouldn’t change my EXPERIENCE for the world, and would never swap it in for anything else, but it definitely gave me PERSPECTIVE that even when I’m doing everything I’ve ever wanted to on the other side of the world, the are down moments and low days, and average-ness. Also the perspective that I felt so much pressure before I went to “go travelling” and since I’ve been back yes I’ve got banging memories and had probably the best 3 months of my life (deff go back in a heartbeat like right now RIGHT NOW), but I’m still the same person with the same worries. So I guess what I’m trying to say is, whatever situation you’re in there are ALWAYS pros and cons, even if it is supposed to be the most incredible situation in the world (even if everyone messages you saying they’re jealous of your Instagram). If you are carrying cons don’t be disheartened because this is all relative, this is all interchangeable and you will probably feel differently when you look back opposed to how you feel now… it may be with a more positive outlook, it may be more negative. If you’re carrying pros… simply enjoy them (lol easier said than done ey). But just try and not get bogged down because you’re not a toilet. (get it.. bog) Bog off. lol Tracey Beaker. The Dare Game. Idol.

I know that’s vague, and all sounds a bit shallow but just roll with it (or don’t, up to you). Watch Love Island and don’t feel guilty about it. Talk about Love Island in your group chat (shut up you definitely have one). ENJOY LOVE ISLAND even if you look back over the past eight weeks and realise you’ve just spent 56 hours watching other people talk. Literally.

Just so you know I’ve just switched over to Jools Holland #cultured.

I wish you all peaceful brains

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